Urochrome Pigment—A Primer

Brightening a kitchen as dreary as mine can only mean one thing—yellow. Yellow is the color of sunshine, daffodils, lemons, electricity—and also of cowardice, jaundice, hazard signs, and a type of sensational journalism.

It’s also the color of a specific bodily fluid released when a bladder is full. Here in Arizona where water is an issue, a certain amount of license is permitted after expressing said organ. But enough is enough. I’ve begged, I’ve pleaded…please flush when the bowl becomes saturated in Dijon mustard hues.

I brought home paint sample strips from the hardware store and chose my kitchen color. The strips were too pretty to toss. I thought of making bookmarks but found a better way to recycle them. They are now tacked on the wall above the toilet.

Educational color chart for men

Acceptable yellows are Pearl Star, Lantern Light, Lemon Cream, Sunny Day, Goldilocks, Dipped in Honey, Straw, Honey Pot, and Saffron.

Firefly, Daisy Heart, Yellow Brick Road, Glistening Gold, Stella ’d Oro, Downy Chick, Sun Porch, Band of Gold, Sunnyside Up, Tropical Sun, Marigold, and Golden Path warrant a flush.

If this still isn’t clear, please step outside. Ya got that, Goldenrod?

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20 responses to “Urochrome Pigment—A Primer

  1. I’ve often wondered about the people who come up with the names for colors. Like how did they know the difference between the Yellow Brick Road and the Golden Path?

    On a related note, a friend in California said they used to have signs in the toilets that read “If it’s yellow it’s mellow. If it’s brown it goes down.”

    • And what’s amazing is that they keep inventing new names, same as for lipstick and nail polish. They have their best marketing people on it. I have an antique scanner so it’s hard to see the subtle tint changes, but they’re there, and each must have a name. I think it’s a law of advertising.

      Yup that’s an old saying here, I think from the old ’60s hippie days (very much unlike the new hippie days).

  2. Downy Chick is intriguing. Tiger Woods would probably choose it.

  3. Goldenrod? Oh, my husband is SO getting called that from now on.
    Very welcome humor. Dry, honest, thoughtful, unique–unlike anything I’ve heard. You’ve done it again.

  4. Actually pee the color of the bottom samples would indicate severe dehydration. The ones on the top level show hydration and electrolyte balances are as they should be. So if the One You’re Forced to Nag is peeing deep gold, give him more water and at least lighten the traces up.

  5. I like yellow brick road. Nice, bright, very cool name. What could be better in the world of yellow? The “cooler” yellows don’t seem yellow at all but more like a washed out piece of celluloid that used to be yellow.

    On the other hand, if we’re talking wall colors I always defer to my wife. She wouldn’t choose “Screamin” yellow zonkers” either, and that’s OK with me.

    Now I’m going outside to mellow out. It’s dark out there, and the sugar maples will just have to wait until the day for me to admire their brilliant leaves.

    • Hi Bill, I chose a luminous medium yellow and it’s infused my sad old walls with a glowing warmth. The paint strips I scanned don’t really show the true tints, they’re sort of distorted by my old equipment and of course the settings and/or quality of a viewer’s computer. Scanning is nowhere near as accurate as photography—shoot, I should have just taken a picture! Duh!

      Yellow is also the color of autumn, and I envy you your radiant maples. How I miss them. Autumn has been my favorite season since I was a baby. What am I doing here?

  6. Well Darlin – that’s a grand idea, but whether or not the advice will be followed is a whole other story. The good thing is you’ll have a colorful kitchen that may remind you of the last time you looked in the toilet :)

    FYI – the name goldenrod is kind of a super hero in porn. I think there may be some films more recent, but 2 that I remember are “Jane Bond Meets Golden Rod” and a guy that went by the name of “Dave Goldenrod” in a porno from the mid 80’s.
    I think you can actually still watch the Jane Bond movie online!

    • Ha ha Cowboy, it hasn’t worked yet. The One I’m Forced to Nag’s will is strong.

      Now how did I know you’d have knowledge of that particular “superhero”!

      • I’m sure you thought I would have knowledge of that “superhero” due to knowing how much I enjoy trivia – ya, that’s it trivia :)

        I guess if the color chart doesn’t work, you could always tape the toilet lid shut – with a big sign that points to the color on the chart.

        I know you’ll get it all sorted out ! Good luck…..

  7. Oh how your mind wanders. Genius, simply genius. I would never have thought of this in a million years.

    Yellow is also the symbol of unrequited love and people of high intellect (obviously Blonde Jokes have and are perpetuated by persons of lesser intelligence, am not blonde either, am just saying).

    I really had a good laugh over this. The funny thing is this. Am lucky enough to have a bathroom all to myself. A man’s bathroom (no feminine shufffs insight and no it is not hidden in drawers in case you were going there). Grey tub and shower, grey toilet. The walls, floor and surround trimmed in grey and stainless steel (got the stainless steel free). And get this. The walls I painted Stella ’d Oro. Now, thanks to you. When the water matches the colour on the walls its time to flush. Thank you Debra what would I do without you. Men, we can be imbeciles at times.

    FYI….Just in case someone else has a bathroom painted in Stella ’d Oro an there is a ‘GR’ present. I have noticed one thing worth noting. That particular colour and GR’s off-spray tend to blend in. In keeping with sanitary practices, I’d be tossing GR a sponge and a pail. And if he forgets, toss him the sponge and pail filled with extremely hot soapy water—trust me, it will jog his memory.

    • Hudson, thank you. I didn’t even think of blonde—the most sought-after hair color in the world (I’m guessing). Talk about names…honey and strawberry blonde and champagne—makes you want to eat the blonde.

      I wish I had my own bathroom. Ours needs daily maintenance because of exactly what you described. And you would not believe the fun surprises customers leave for me in the houses I clean. Have they no shame?

      Yeah I’ll toss Goldenrod a pail, it can be his new toilet. He wouldn’t know what else to do with it.

  8. I love your play on the colour yellow; in one of my early poems I referred to my cat’s ‘urinous eyes'; although accurate, I don’t think she liked that :)

    • Hi JL, thanks. Cats can be so touchy.

      Who knows? When the advertising folks completely run out of color yellow names, they may turn to urine. Now you’ve got me thinking about a whole new color chart…

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