Category Archives: Dilemmas

The Perils of Honesty

If people are clueless because they just don’t pick up on things, I accept that. An acquaintance I spoke to recently had never heard of hoarders. I don’t know how she’s gone through her long life managing to miss this serious psychological malfunction, but she has. OK, so she didn’t get that memo—I can see how not everybody is able to follow everything that’s happening in our culture. I didn’t get mad at her, I explained it to her.

But there’s a different, more dangerous kind of ignorance, and that is defiant ignorance. I encounter this more often than is comfortable, and it makes me squirm. This is not merely clueless, this is clueless with a badge and gun. This is not “I don’t know” but “I don’t know, don’t want to know, and do not attempt to contact me again with enlightening information or I will shut down and stare at you blankly.”

At one time I thought it was a disease of people of a certain age. For example, those who refuse to learn how to use a computer, even though it’s essential in order to be a useful member of a volunteer organization. People who refuse to acknowledge that the world runs on computers make it harder for everyone else to communicate with them. But I’ve learned that young people can be just as resistive to knowledge. A young person who refuses to learn about the outside world in a purposeful, prideful way is just as frustrating, and it’s a personality type I’m very uncomfortable around. When each conversation builds a new barrier instead of tearing one down, the less interest I have in trying to communicate at all.

So I write about it. It’s not easy to avoid topics that affect me deeply, whether it’s our forests burning, the general shitty state of affairs on our planet, or a difficult person in my life. I am intrigued by various personality types and when I encounter one that’s especially distinct, I like to think about it out loud. I am careful to keep people’s identities anonymous and confidential, as the point is hardly to direct readers toward a specific person.

This weekend I was tried and convicted by an online community who know nothing about me. They stalk me online, never write a comment, and have never had anything to contribute until I wrote about gaming addiction. Then they came out to attack me, knowing absolutely nothing about me, my relationships, or my history. They’ve told me what a very, very bad person I am. One e-mail I received was a sort of outline of all of my personal faults, all laid out for me so I can begin to work on my wickedness as soon as possible. I couldn’t read it, and trashed it immediately. Wow. I cannot imagine, ever, in any way, sticking my nose into a couple’s personal relationship whom I have never met, choosing sides, and then carrying out a personal assault.

This is my blog and my outlet, and I write, with careful research, about my life. I would never, ever, write insulting comments on another person’s blog. I have never done so and will never do so. If I find a blog distasteful in any way, I leave immediately and do not go back. I do not stalk people who irritate me and then flame them when they write something I don’t like. The blog helps me to vent,  recover, and move on—and sometimes this brings unwanted drama. This is a decision each of us has to make.

I could dump this blog and start a new one with a pseudonym but I just don’t see the point. Posting as a fictional character holds no appeal for me. If people don’t like what I have to say, my heartfelt advice is to go away. You have your own blogs to rant on, so please, use them.

More Mysteries of the Swallows

swallow nest with horsehair streamers

The swallow parents have been making repairs to the nursery in preparation for 2010 Brood #2.

Horses are popular where I live, and various equines reside in my neighborhood. The swallows will collect long mane or tail hairs that are shed and carry them back to the nest. They weave the long wirelike filaments into the mud to reinforce the nest.

The parents fly in and out of the nest about a hundred times a day. Last year the mother became entangled in one of the strands and though we were able to free her, it was not pleasant for anyone. So now, when I see the streamers flapping about, I go out there with a pair of scissors and cut the damn things off so the swallows don’t hang themselves. Wouldn’t you?

I’m bemused by some of the birdbrained building plans of this swallow family. Why? Why would they use an ingredient that is very likely to be dangerous? I don’t know. But I will continue to care for my precious little charges to the best of my ability. There is no better natural insect control than birds and bats, and swallows are at the top of the list. And even if they weren’t I would do it anyway.

Passionately Provoked

One must still have chaos in oneself to be able to give birth to a dancing star

Friedrich Nietzsche

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Truer words were never spoken.

Every contemporary self-help book I pick up claims it can help us find the power to cope with life’s evils if we follow its instructions. As modern humans, we strive for serenity because we now know that it’s healthier for our bodies and minds. There are thousands of books, products, and medications designed to help you reduce, manage, and survive stress. I think I’ve tried them all. To attain higher consciousness, we must be peaceful and accepting and nonjudgmental at all times. We must not get angry or take offense. We must never have the urge to give some annoying asshole a good slap. We’re told to socialize more and go to church and be spiritual and join clubs and meditate and pray and and blah blah blah.

But without chaos in our hearts, nothing would ever get done.

Much of the advice we are given to help us lead better lives seems to directly oppose our instincts as human beings. It would take an extraordinary human indeed to train oneself to accept with composure the abuses and inequities of our world. How would we incite ourselves to greatness if we aspire to become detached and impassive? It is this very discontent we harbor in our souls which drives us to achieve great things.

Creativity comes in many forms, not just art. I believe our modern world in all its glory is the result of men and women driven by chaos.

I believe we should all try to curb our agitation, especially about the small stuff. But, many of the most respected artists and thinkers in history have suffered deep personal issues, and it made them who they were—positive proof of the creative power of chaos.

Is it possible to find a happy medium?

Starry Night over the Rhone, Vincent van Gogh

A Moral Dilemma

OK so I have a bunch of cats—how many? I don’t know, I prefer to stay in denial about such things. Cats are easy to accumulate when you’re involved in animal rescue, especially the ones that aren’t very charming or adoptable. But this is their home, and naturally I prefer them to hang around the yard than head out to the desert to be a hawk or coyote’s dinner.

Every year the swallows build their nest on our front porch light. We’ve tried taking their nest down (not while there are eggs or babies in it though!) but they just come back. They think they have a permanent building permit here! What puzzles me is that the swallows know that cats live here. They start screeching and swooping every time one of the cats sets a paw on the front porch. I then feel compelled to get a squirt bottle and chase the cat away to protect the swallows. Some of the cats do feel obliged to eat a bird now and then, so they can’t be trusted.

Obviously we can’t be there every minute to guard the swallows. The parents make two broods per summer. The first set fledged a few days ago—but I know we started with four babies and ended up with three. The parents are now making repairs to the nest for batch number two.

What would you do?

newborn swallow babies

swallow babies a couple days old

swallow babies about 4 days old

swallow babies about one week old

about two weeks old, ready to fledge

ever-watchful swallow parents