Who the Hell Made Me Queen of the Toilet Paper?

I’m busy from early morning until late at night. Along with work, trying to find work, and the stress of not having enough work, there is so much to do around here it’s hard to explain, and hard for a man to understand. Many men will help a woman, but only if you ask, and then it’s “OK, but does it have to be done right now?” No, it doesn’t have to be done right this second, but when I have to ask again, and again, and then again…

Women aren’t born nags—we acquire this awful trait out of necessity. Because of the things men can do because of their physical strength or knowledge of magical things like wires, we are beholden to them. When they fix something, we must heap praise upon them. Any tiny thing a man does he must be thanked profusely for, while we run ourselves ragged doing everything else.

He says if I want something done to ask him. See above. So, many women give up and do it themselves, wear themselves out and become resentful. I don’t want to have to hand out assignments, explain how I want it done, then see that it’s carried out correctly. I don’t have children so I don’t understand how men get this way, because I always think if I had a son, I would have taught him how to be self-reliant. Maybe it’s impossible.

(My neighbor across the street from me, whose mother died recently, now owns the house and is a big fat slob. After months of watching bags of household garbage pile up in his yard, I finally asked him to clean it up. He did, but now there’s a new pile. When I see his car gone, I go over there and pick up the garbage he leaves out front, visible to me every day. Not only is it disgusting, but it brings down property values. This 30-year-old guy was spoiled rotten by his mother. So now this is a new fucking chore I have. He also has an unspayed dog he won’t let in the house. When he’s not there, I go fill her water bowl and give her dog biscuits.)

Sometimes I try to just stop doing so much. Let the dishes or laundry pile up, stop picking up around the house, not get a chair to stand on to change a lightbulb. This backfires because my partner doesn’t notice—then when he has no clean T-shirts he comes to me and wants to know what to do. If and when he finally does wash the dishes, I have to do them over because there’s crud on them he missed.

Then there’s the amount of toilet paper some men go through. How did this become my responsibility to make sure there’s more under the sink? If I let us run out there will be none for me. If I let the constant dirt and animal hair slide, if we run out of milk or soap, if the dogshit in the yard doesn’t get picked up—I’m the one it affects, not him. He just doesn’t see it as a problem. He’s never been known to clean a litterbox.

So not only does a woman have to actually do the chores, she has to keep a mental checklist of all the chores that need to be done. It’s fucking exhausting. So what’s the point of even asking—and more importantly, why do I have to ask? I know he doesn’t feel good and I accept this. But there are small things men can do that would make a big difference in a woman’s life.

I think men should live in outbuildings—barns or sheds or tents. Why must we keep them in the house?

And why do I like them so much?

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28 responses to “Who the Hell Made Me Queen of the Toilet Paper?

  1. Their linear thinking, their marvelously unfettered libido, their gorgeous, clean-lined architectural bodies, and one marvelously multi-purposed tool that is like nothing else on earth.

  2. the word of me

    Not all men are like that. I am on disability and my wife works. i take total control of housework, laundry, dishes, etc. The only thing I don’t do much of is cooking…but only because I am so bad at it.

  3. When you’re right you’re right! ….and well said.

    Being a man, I truly don’t have an explanation why they are the way they are. To be truthful I gave up trying to figure out the sexes years ago. I do laundry, the unmentionables an all. The cooking, that is my department and will fight to the death to keep the job. As for cleaning the inside its 50/50. Everyone morning the house in departed with a made bed, again done together, no grumbling on either part. When it comes to the outside I am alone. Separate bathrooms take away some of the stress of a “loving relationship”. Mine is always tidy, paper in the holder and the seat is always down, though there is no need for the seat to be down, that’s the result of a ‘good mother’.

    As a man, perhaps there is something wrong with me. Defective at birth? Perhaps. A wimp? Definitely not. No, I think you touched on it. I had a mother who did not want to raise what you despise. She was looking out for someone’s daughter I suspect. Wish I had just a smidgen of common sense as most women possess.

    Oh by the way. If a guy screws up a task, lets say, he puts a hot iron to a fancy frilly lace collar on your favourite blouse and it instantly vaporized. Don’t, in a huff, take away the duty. If all men are like me, I know that if you screw up once, she will deny you from doing the task again. Now don’t tell the guys I told you this. We may look dumb and lazy but there is method to madness.

  4. Hahahaha… gotta love that last line.

  5. I lived alone in a house for 14 years before I got married and I guess I learned that if I didn’t do it no one else would so I still do a lot of those chores sort of automatically.

  6. I don’t think any of the men who read or comment here, or have blogs of their own, are as I described. Thinking heavily about this last night, I started to see a distinction between the sensitivity of writers vs. the mind of a (video) gamer, or of other men who don’t express themselves through words. Writing is addictive, but in a totally different way from gaming. Gaming is a whole different drug because it’s isolating. Before gaming there were other addictions—watching sports, television, bars, etc.

    But the fact remains that there are thousands of articles and books on how to get your partner to help you, what to say, lack of communication between men and women, women are from Venus…blah blah blah. There are a million jokes about nagging wives. It’s not fair for a woman to have to learn manipulation tactics to get her husband to take out the trash, but yet it’s a big part of relationships…and also a big part of the breakdown of relationships. I’ve seen it many times.

    I saw an ad once in a magazine for gaming that read: “At least he’s home.” It pissed me off.

  7. Oh dear Darlin –

    I see you created a post to see how many men you could get to lie to you. What a girl 🙂 I honestly doubt that there is a man anywhere that would admit to being the type of man you describe in your post. I know you realize that surely all men aren’t like that – but, as you experience for yourself and hear other women say the same thing, it approaches the point where it seems like all men really are like that.

    In a feeble attempt to defend men here – I will say that most men have multiple thoughts roaming through their mind at any one given moment. While some of the thoughts may be daydreaming of the next car, boat, toy, or even that last sexy lady that smiled at us—some of those thoughts are about chores that need to be done, keeping/maintaining a job, problems with the house that need attention, and even thoughts about how much they care about their little woman at home and how special she might be. Here’s where the problem lies – a man then needs to prioritize those thoughts (easily done), now he must try to figure out the best way to express his feelings about each in such a way that the woman will understand without hurting her feelings. Whew – I almost ran out of breath typing that – I think I better rest a bit before I continue………..hmmmm, nothing done yet. Were men raised to avoid things? To a degree, I believe so but most men take it upon themselves to learn the best way for them to accomplish things as they mature. Women on the other hand are often required and even told they must fit into a mold that parents, siblings, and society have predetermined for them.

    Fortunately in this era, we see more and more women standing where no woman has stood before them, both in a relationship and in the world we live. Women have learned that it’s OK to say what they feel and do when they would like instead of fitting into that mold created long ago.

    So…all this rhetoric in mind – be a good little woman – wrap the toilet paper in a crown around your head and let it trail while you grab that man a beer and make sure he takes out the trash ………… 🙂

    Ciao Bella

    • Hi Cowboy…multiple thoughts? Hmm, I hadn’t considered that. It would be hard for him to hurt my feelings…I’m much more interested in some help. No man ever has to worry about “what not to say” to me. Say anything you want, then get those new wiper blades on like I asked for a week ago.

      I’ve never felt I had to fit into a mold except when I was very young—I dreaded the thought that someday I might have to cook or have children, two things I had no interest in. Luckily the ‘60s rolled around and everything changed. But in spite of this, many men will just not do basic household stuff. I think this is due to a combination of parenting, personality type, and status of relationship.

  8. ‘Articles and books’ and ‘how to’…’blah blah blah’…..again you’re right. We really don’t need all this. People (chose people as really it could be either gender) are not ‘complete idiots’, most know what needs to be done, around the house or in a relationship, they just plain choose not to. Simple. I think!

  9. Just a thought – I worked SO hard at bringing my son up to be in tune to a woman’s needs, a household’s needs, and the importance of of being there, to do what is needed at the time…not 5 years later.

    It didn’t work. Damn that DNA jeans/genes dilemma!

    • Aww Char. Sometimes it really is in the genes, isn’t it…the same way some guys have an innate understanding of an engine and some don’t.

      Thanks for a mother’s input—it’s just what we needed.

    • I don’t think I’ll give them the DNA argument. They’re getting off too easily with that.

      I think boys need a father who is sensitive to household needs. A mother can teach a child to pick up his dirty clothes and put the toilet lid down, but if the father leaves dirty clothes on the floor and leaves the lid up… that’s such a strong example to a child. We women have enough responsibilities. Mothers are always blamed. I call the fathers to the stand. 🙂

  10. Problem is, the revolution changed women — their thoughts of who they are, what they could do, gave them choices over their own identity and sexuality — but men remained the same. So, here we are, gone through feminism/equality and all these women stuck trying to drag men with them to the 21st century and beyond.

    • Indigo, another revelation I hadn’t thought of. Good point. Men who help women around the house probably always did—it didn’t take a revolution to change them. The ones that didn’t, still don’t!

  11. “Ok, but does it have to be done right now?”
    “Yes. Because if it isn’t, then I’ll have to think about it EVERY DAY until it is done. And I have enough to think about. Like picking up the socks you discard by the couch every evening.”

  12. I don’t know why you like men either. Drop the slob. My ex-husband was the same. To this day it still irritates me that he would tell people Saturday was his “honeydoo day”; meaning I would say “honey, do this, honey, do that”. He never did anything. Even when he finally would go out to mow the lawn (a rare occurance) he would end up talking to a neighbor for an hour or more, and never get the lawn mowed. When I cleaned up the house, he would stay up all night and create a terrible mess. I know not all men are like this, some are neat freaks. But I would never put up with anyone like that again.

  13. Pretty funny. Sounds like you are in possession of a lemon that needs a few repairs. Old cars can be retooled but it takes time. I’m a pretty busy guy so I don’t think anybody would call me lazy but I know both men and women who are. Takes all kinds to make the world go around, eh?

    • Yes it does take all kinds. I’m not sure it’s a matter of laziness, more of personality. A person who is a wizard in some areas but will walk around a pile of cat puke to avoid dealing with it is very hard to retool!

  14. Ummm. . If I were stronger, and good at more things, you could have been talking about me. I’m sorry.
    But, here’s the gender difference: in dealing with men, things work better if you provide emotional rewards after the necessary (and all-too-obvious) chore is done by saying “thank you”. In dealing with women, it is always helpful to have a heartfelt, “I’m sorry”.
    Emotional rewards (the same we give to our canine friends), always work wonders in dealing with men, employees, and bosses. Approval is an incredibly strong motivating factor. And, it’s very addictive to the recipient.
    It allows for the withholding of approval to become an effective tool in itself, thereby simplifying matters: Why have to berate, chide, scold, plead, sigh, etc, etc, when you can have the tool of simply withholding approval?
    Why are we men like this? I don’t know. Many women are like that too, tho (at least in the work place). By granting or withholding approval, I have managed (occasionally) to get a chief fiscal officer (female) to remember our mission statement, and occasionally let me stop chasing historical errors of 19 cents or less, while ignoring tens of thousands of dollars about to slip through our fingers.
    Remember, little girls can be toilet trained almost as quickly as kittens learn a litter box. Little boys are as bad as the most recalcitrant puppy.
    I’m sorry. 🙂

    • Joel, but that’s what I mean about having to learn how to manipulate, with rewards or withholding of rewards, like a puppy. I remember a movie from the ’50s where a woman is training her husband and in the end he finds out she’s using a dog training manual (and it worked). I’m past that, I’m too tired. Common sense tactics like thank you or I’m sorry don’t always work. Withholding approval takes on new heights, such as meeting each interaction with coldness. It sucks to have to do that, and even then it doesn’t work. Maybe a rolled up newspaper?

  15. Why does it bother me?

    Hahahaha. OMG. I have some of these issues. Because I don’t work, I do all the house stuff on my own. Everything. It does begin to grate after a while. I had to explain that even though he does bring home the bacon, that he also gets two days off a week. I do not. I do not have endless time to just please myself, there is ALWAYS something that needs doing. However my darling man always says thank you and does do his bit, although when he starts to reorganise things in the kitchen I could swing for him… does he cook? Er not really? So why is he altering my method of storing stuff? I had to explain since I have no money of my own the house is sort my domain, my control and him doing that makes me feel completely redundant…. Life is a tricky game!

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