You’re So Vane, You Probably Think this Storm is About You

Dear Kelvin,
I’m all for whirlwind romance, but cool it with the high pressure, it’ll only result in a squall. All this hot air has prompted a wind advisory. Just because you have a few degrees from Contrail Community College doesn’t make you a supercell.

Dear Glacia,
Oooh, blustery. Thanks a lot for the cold front. Whatever happened to “oh baby you raise my dew point like no one else?” You seemed pretty saturated to me last night but then you always were a little hoary.

Sorry but my humidity is relative. We’ve been drifting for a while now and the effects are cumulus. Must you drizzle? You’re like a fog that never lifts. It shouldn’t be a surprise my subtropical region is in a depression. What do you want me to do, sit and spin? No wait, I’d need a vertical axis for that.

You should be glad my visibility was poor last night because you were a category 5 disaster. Did you actually pay for that new permafrost? What, in centigrade? And you blew through that row of desserts like a cyclone. Weren’t you embarrassed by the evacuations? Try getting your face out of the trough now and then and you might appear more gradient.

I predicted that torrent. You overcast me with your wit. It wasn’t my idea to eat at the High Winds Buffet, so chill out. I need to circulate before I vaporize into atmosphereless haze. By the way, how’s the job down at the cloud bank?

Turbulent but thanks for asking. How’s yours slinging funnel cake at the state fair? Good luck starting at absolute zero. Your density precipitates you.

What in hail are you talking about, you nimbus? You know I don’t speak Celsius.

Glacia, let’s clear up this unstable anticlimate. Wanna meet me at the Isobar?

Kelvin, can I take a rain check?

Aw c’mon Glacia, give me a 50% chance. Afterward we can play twister.

Kelvin, you don’t really deserve inclemency…but if I can ride your thermal and you promise to wear a windsock…

Glacia, to the stratosphere, you little dust devil! I’ll set up the lightning rod…

29 responses to “You’re So Vane, You Probably Think this Storm is About You

  1. the word of me


  2. What makes me sick...

    Good to have you back Debra! I have heard reports of disrespectful and less than amiable weather over there. To whom would one write to in order to complain about such things? 😉

    • Hey Dum Dum! Yes we’re all suffering a flood of humiliation. Like getting the cold shoulder isn’t bitter enough. You can complain until hell freezes over, but sustained windbags will prevail…

  3. Damn it all ! I sure do love it when you do verbal, wordy, free for all, back flips. Gets on knees, bows and worships Queen Logos Philos. The jaw is dropped with amazement. Have to go back and belly flop into it a few more times.

  4. And here I thought the heat had gotten to me. 😉

  5. How do you not write professionally? You really need to start submitting this stuff to magazines and journals. It’s amazing. Clever on a whole new level.

    • Hi Kay, thanks but my normally tepid career has reached a new low. Cirrusly, I’m thinking of dropping some acid rain with a corona chaser just to get me out of this vortex. So tired of getting fluxed over!

  6. Made my day! Just Great!
    Love your sunny warm front. My thermal low has been spinning for weeks. I shall jump on the next trade wind and shear the coastline till I meet my next microburst. Hope that does not offend your vortex!
    Thanks for bringing us along!

    • LOL Barb! As for politics, into every life a little reign must fall, let’s just hope there’s more than a pot of mold at the end of our monochrome rainbow—it’s enough to make ya shiver in aggravation. Thanks for your breezy note!

  7. HIGHlarious. There must be too much Pressure on you. Does this funny piece precipitate another? Just wonderin’!

  8. Why does it bother me?

    Great post Debra. Really clever! 😀

    • Thanks Mrs. Gary! I read on a BBC site that “Gibraltar is a place of meteorological extremes where weather is governed by the Levanter—a warm breeze laden with moisture that strikes the east face of the Rock and causes a cold pall to hang over the city.” Now there’s a bit of info we could do something with!

      • Why does it bother me?

        Yeah it is pretty mad when the cloud looms over Gibraltar. It just hangs there, and you can walk around the edges of it! You go over the runway and it is bright sunshine!

  9. Honest to goodness, you ought to breeze over to some weather sites with this. Send it to some met journal or a weather site. If we can’t get you some money out of it, at least we need to get you some exposure. It’s absolutely brilliant!

  10. After a weepy day I became immersed in this post and it returned me to my normally sunny disposition!

  11. Hi McCloud…I’m going for my storm shelter certification. Look at all the money I’m saving you on hydrotherapy!

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