My blood pressure has been high for years so I finally started on some meds about a month ago. I go to the fire station a couple times a week to get it checked. After a few weeks it hadn’t gone down so my dosage was doubled. This morning my blood pressure was 186/116. I don’t think they’re working.
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Lose Ten Pounds in One Week with These Fat-Busting Diets!
The Domestic Dispute Diet • The Sick Pet Diet • The Unemployment Diet
The Anger and Frustration Diet • The Guilt Diet
The General Malaise Diet
They work!
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White Picket Fences
White picket fences were once iconic of the American dream…now they are merely metaphors. I think I know why.
White picket fences don’t accomplish much security-wise, but you can still get impaled on one because you think you can climb over it. If you buy a house with a white picket fence, the next thing you know you’re fertilizing your lawn and fretting over dandelions.
After a while white picket fences don’t look so good and need repair and painting. I once took a job painting one. As usual, I underestimated the job and languished for days in impossible positions. I recommend doing just about anything else—schedule that colonoscopy or pap smear. Get that dental work you’ve been putting off.
Chain link fences don’t look so good either, but at least they’re ugly from the day you put them up and you accept this. People don’t try to climb over chain link fences, especially if there are dogs. Yards with white picket fences don’t contain dogs that discourage intruders. Are you going to let a schnauzer scare you off? No self-respecting pit bull would stay in a yard with a white picket fence, he would be too embarrassed and leave immediately by simply jumping over it.
White picket fences are in far too many kitschy paintings. They symbolize happy families with children who are good students and parents who aren’t drunks. They don’t work.
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Lust
I worked for a obsessed born-again Christian back in Connecticut who loved plants. One day she pointed out a bush in the next yard and told me how much she wanted it. I said, well you know what they say, thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s bush. She wasn’t amused, but I giggled for the rest of the day.
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